Notebook
for
Procrastination:
Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now
Burka,
Jane B.
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At its
core , problem procrastination is a problem with one’s relationship to oneself
, reflecting a shaky sense of self - esteem .
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likely —
low confidence in succeeding , task aversiveness , distractibility and
impulsiveness ,
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having
goals and rewards be too far off in the future . We
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Too much
information , too many decisions , too many options — this overabundance of
information leads many of us into procrastination paralysis .
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most
procrastinators are afraid they are unacceptable in some basic way .
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fear of
failure , fear of success , fear of being controlled , and fear of intimacy or
separation in relationships ,
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root of
procrastination is the procrastinator’s complicated relationship to time .
Procrastinators often have a “ wishful thinking ” approach to time or see it as
an opponent to outwit , outmaneuver , or outlive .
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They are
frustrated and angry with themselves because procrastinating has prevented them
from doing all they think they are capable of . Although they appear to be
doing well , they suffer inside .
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Procrastination
may lead not only to internal suffering but to significant external
consequences .
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I must be
perfect . Everything I do should go easily and without effort . It’s safer to
do nothing than to take a risk
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and fail
. I should have no limitations . If it’s not done right , it’s not worth doing
at all . I must avoid being challenged . If I succeed , someone will get hurt .
If I do well this time , I must always do well . Following someone else’s rules
means that I’m giving in and I’m not in control . I can’t afford to let go of
anything or anyone . If I show my real self , people won’t like me . There is a
right answer , and I’ll wait until I find it .
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what I
produce is a direct reflection of how much ability I have , and ( 2 ) my level
of ability determines how worthwhile I am as a person — that is , the higher my
ability , the higher my sense of self - worth . Thus , ( 3 ) what I produce
reflects my worth as a person . Dr . Beery formulated these assumptions into
the following equation : Self - worth = Ability = Performance
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Performance
can no longer be equated with ability because complete effort has not been made
.
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Procrastination
allows people to take comfort in believing that their ability is greater than
their performance indicates ,
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It is
more tolerable to blame themselves for being disorganized , lazy , or
uncooperative than to view themselves as being inadequate and unworthy — the
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people
who procrastinate are perfectionists .
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For some
procrastinators the thought of being ordinary can be so intolerable that they
want everything they do to be outstanding .
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They wish
not only for ideal careers and relationships but also to make a masterpiece of
the letter they write or the garden they plant .
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The
perfectionist believes that if one is truly outstanding , even difficult things
should be easy .
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Using
such impossible standards , a person who must work hard , or even exert a
moderate amount of effort to get something done , is likely to feel inferior .
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if you
can’t stand not knowing , you can’t learn .
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Perfectionists
often feel they should do everything by themselves , believing it’s a sign of
weakness to get help of any kind .
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There Is
a Right Way . This is one of the most cherished notions held by perfectionists
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rather
than take the risk of making the wrong choice , they do nothing .
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As long
as Brenda and Charles put off deciding where to live , they can hold on to the
illusion that there is a perfect solution and they can make a perfect choice .
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Perfectionists
fear that if they make a wrong decision , they will think less of themselves
and their feeling of regret will be intolerable .
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out . It
is a childhood fantasy that grown - ups know everything
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The truth
is that many perfectionists hate losing so much that they avoid any activity
that would bring them into direct competition with others .
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He can’t
lose because he never really enters the race .
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People
who “ choose to lose ” procrastinate to such an extent that they guarantee
failure , yet they still imagine that they could have won if they had tried —
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Self -
handicapping is a backhanded way to protect your ego and your self - esteem : I
lost , but I did it to myself .
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The all -
or - nothing notion can affect a person’s initial formulation of goals ,
leading him or her to attempt to do everything at once because anything less
seems insufficient .
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You don’t
accomplish everything you set out to do . You don’t do things exactly as you
had planned . You do something well but not perfectly . You don’t get as much
recognition as you feel you deserve .
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In many
of their families , being outstanding seemed to be the most reliable strategy
for earning recognition , acceptance , and love — accomplishments were valued
above all else , and being second best seemed of no value at all .
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Other
perfectionists never enjoyed the satisfaction of winning approval . Although
accomplishments were highly valued , their ability to achieve was doubted ,
criticized , or undermined . They may try to dispel doubts by striving to be
perfect , believing that if they’re ever going to earn respect and love ,
perfection is their only hope .
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If you
have a Fixed Mindset , there is no room for mistakes in any situation , because
mistakes are evidence of failure that prove you’re not really smart or talented
after all .
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In a
Growth Mindset , effort is what makes you smart or good at something ; it is
what “ ignites ability and turns it into accomplishment . ”
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performance
not reflect your value as a person ,
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What
matters is what you learn , what you feel excited about , and how you’ve
improved , while outcome moves to the background .
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“ Is success
about learning — or
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proving
you’re smart ? ”
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It is
often both interesting and helpful for procrastinators to articulate the
nameless fantasies of dread that haunt them .
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success
as “ the timely pursuit of your intentions . ”
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Do you
feel anxious when you receive a lot of recognition ?
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When your
manager suggests a promotion , do you start to wish you were invisible ?
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being
really good at something , and that didn’t fit her self - image
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some
people use procrastination to resist the cultural pressure to be everything and
to have it all .
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People
who left their homelands and moved to our country may feel that succeeding in
the high - pressured , competitive American culture means abandoning the
traditions and values of their native lands .
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Women who
want to be successful in “ a man’s world ” may fear being labeled ambitious and
aggressive — too “ masculine ” — and put off doing what it takes to be
competitive . Men who feel pressured to be “ masculine ” may avoid success
because they fear they would have to give up the “ feminine ” sides of
themselves —
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People
who are afraid of failure choose not to compete because they are afraid of
losing or being exposed as weak or inadequate .
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People
who are afraid of success , however , choose not to compete because they are
afraid of winning . They procrastinate to hide their ambition , because they
think there’s something wrong with being competitive in the first place .
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By
procrastinating , Shaun diminishes his chances for success , giving him a
buffer from the possibility of being exposed and trapped —
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Procrastinators
who fear failure have trouble making commitments because they worry that they
will make a mistake and commit to the wrong thing .
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Those who
fear success worry that making a commitment will sweep them into the
competitive process and move them into the contest for success before they’re
ready .
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They fear
that without compulsive procrastination , they would be doomed to compulsive
work .
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Many
people who procrastinate to avoid success expect to be punished for their
desire to win . You may fear you will be criticized , accused of being “ selfish
” or “ full of yourself . ” Then there’s the loser to contend with — someone
might be hurt and withdraw from your relationship or may become angry enough to
retaliate against you for winning .
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When you
assume that being successful means that you are hurting someone else , success
becomes equated with aggression .
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Procrastination
can be an expression of anxiety and guilt about moving beyond a loving family .
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achieving
success is that they would get what they want — and then would be attacked .
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Someone ,
somewhere , will challenge or criticize them , and they don’t feel strong
enough to fight back .
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it’s a
dog - eat - dog world , and as the dogs get bigger , the bites get worse .
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Since he
expects to be attacked , he protects himself by delaying ;
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Procrastination
can be used as punishment for “ bad ” things people have done —
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Some
people experience survival guilt for escaping a chronically bad situation if
they leave others behind .
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Some
people have such a low opinion of themselves that they can’t incorporate
success into their self - image . Feeling inadequate , unprepared , or
unappealing , they don’t expect to succeed at anything , so they simply don’t
try in the first place .
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Since she
believes success has no place in her life , she sees any accomplishment as a
fluke , a random stroke of luck ;
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Rather
than dream of success and be disappointed , Rachel avoids both hope and
disillusionment by assuming that success is not meant for her .
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people
who worry that they are too perfect feel they need a tragic flaw ,
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people to
maintain this illusion about being perfect ? The sense of superiority that goes
along with feeling “ too perfect ” is a cover for a deeper sense of inferiority
that quietly haunts people like Kim .
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The theme
common to all of them is the belief that you must choose between having success
and having love .
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When you
finally do it , you have a feeling of satisfaction for having made the company
wait for its money .
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for some
, procrastination becomes their way to feel they are in control .
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If you
feel that following a rule somehow makes you unimportant or indistinguishable
from others , then you may feel compelled to break it .
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Procrastination
increases her sense of freedom and reassures her that she is not a prisoner of
these injunctions .
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Battle -
by - procrastination also occurs in situations where there is a formal
hierarchy of power — and you aren’t on top .
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A simple
request can feel like an intrusion if you don’t believe you can refuse it ;
procrastination may seem to be the only way you can say “ No . ”
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Sometimes
people feel intruded upon by a task they see as an unnecessary imposition on
their time and energy .
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procrastinators
feel a similar sense of risk when they delay until the last possible moment .
They take things so far that their lives and well - being are jeopardized .
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If you
feel hurt , angered , slighted , or betrayed by someone , you can use
procrastination to retaliate .
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The most
profound of all battles - by - procrastination is the battle against reality .
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Sometimes
people invent how they think things should be and then live according to their
vision ,
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procrastination
is often a declaration of one’s independence ,
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although
she did not do what her parents wanted , she also did not do what she wanted .
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Committing
yourself to a relationship , putting your thoughts into writing , or carrying
out a business decision may mean that you are making your interests known ,
exposing your preferences for all the world to see .
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Their
concern is not that , once exposed , they will be judged as lacking ability or
as being too successful but rather that they will be disempowered , their
weaknesses ruthlessly probed .
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sense of
safety , which depends on being unknown and elusive , evaporates .
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when you
fight secretly , your opponent doesn’t know that a battle is on and so has less
chance to mobilize his efforts against you .
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if you
interpret someone else’s strength as automatically meaning that you are weak ,
you are exaggerating the other’s power in your own mind .
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Cooperation
Is the Same As Capitulation .
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Thwarting
My Opponent Is More Important Than Getting What I Want .
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Procrastination
is a device they use to regain their relationship equilibrium .
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if I’m
left on my own , I have no thoughts . ”
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Some
people feel comfortable in a secondary position under someone else’s wing .
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They
create a procrastination emergency as a way to ask for help .
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This
procrastinating pattern keeps the past alive in the present .
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it may
keep you from feeling lonely or abandoned , since you are always accompanied by
mental lists of projects that you neither complete nor let go .
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procrastinate
than give someone else the opportunity to steal what rightfully belongs to them
.
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Procrastination
feels like an ally that protects you from getting hurt again .
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A
variation of subjective time , “ event time , ” 3 refers to orienting your
sense of time around the occurrence of an event
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Many
procrastinators live with a profound conflict between subjective time and
objective time ,
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Americans
focus on the now , on youth , on doing the most in the least amount of time ,
and on being prompt .
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Asian
cultures , by contrast , have a much broader time perspective that takes into
account history and tradition as well as long - term future planning .
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Refusing
to accept clock time and insisting on following only your subjective sense of
time separates you from everyone else and can lead you to procrastinate or to
be late . One function of procrastinating — doing things in your own way on
your own schedule , feeling in charge of your own time no matter the
consequences — is to create an illusion of omnipotence over time ,
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Infants
can’t bear pain for very long , and if satisfaction doesn’t come soon enough ,
they become desperate : survival is at stake .
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a person
responding in infant time will experience these feelings as intolerable and
unending , instead of as normal feelings that come and go .
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when
procrastination feels like a battle against being controlled by time , it may
actually reflect an ongoing struggle against feeling controlled by others .
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In a
sense , they are attempting to deny the passage of time , struggling to remain
an eternal child .
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procrastinators
live with the fantasy of the infinite — infinite time ,
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sense of
timelessness occurs with some of your deepest pleasures and most playful
moments . Creative experiences feel timeless . When you are doing something
that engages you deeply , you can’t tell if minutes or hours have passed .
Being lost in time for an hour , a day , or a weekend can be profoundly
rejuvenating and generative . But if timelessness becomes your way of living ,
as it did for Heather , there may be serious consequences . It
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Memories
of past glories or fantasies of future success can function as a soothing
buffer against the pain of real life or a stalled life .
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Procrastination
may be a sign that something from your past is intruding into the present ,
because hesitation to move forward usually has a lot to do with past
experiences .
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Procrastination
may be a sign that the past is dragging you back in time instead of the future
pulling you forward to new experiences and possibilities .
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as “
neuroplasticity . ” 2 We now know that your brain changes every day : what you
do today , for good or ill , affects the structure and function of your brain
tomorrow .
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Donald
Hebb in 1949 , “ Neurons that fire together , wire together . ”
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5 The
more you do something , the more your brain responds to support that activity ;
it learns to do what is asked of it faster and better ( whether it’s good for
you or not ) .
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In the
brain , repetition means that we lay down “ mental tracks , ” which , once
established , “ tend to become self - sustaining ” 8 and increasingly difficult
to get out of . It takes a lot of conscious awareness and effort to interfere
with old habits , to break recurring neural networks , but it can be done .
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Without
an inner sense of rightness or wrongness that comes from feelings located in
your body , you’re limited to thinking intellectually about a decision , or
obsessing endlessly about a long list of pros and cons .
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You can
look for the “ logical ” answer or the “ right ” answer or the “ perfect ”
answer . But basing your decisions on these external factors won’t bring you
closer to knowing how you feel . Instead , you put off making the decision
because you can’t
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about
procrastination as an attempt not just to avoid particular tasks but to avoid
the feelings that are somehow associated with those tasks .
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In order
to stop procrastinating , you will have to tolerate some uncomfortable feelings
in your body , such as fear and anxiety .
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In
addition , your body holds onto fear . Once your brain makes a connection
between a stimulus ( for example , a snake , a term paper , a presentation to
your executive team ) and a feeling of danger or fear , that connection cannot
be extinguished .
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you don’t
know why you avoid a particular task , but you avoid it every time . The link
between the original stimulus and your fear is now unconscious .
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For
procrastinators , avoidance is the king of defenses , because when you avoid
the task , you are also avoiding the many thoughts , feelings , and memories
associated with it .
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With
emotional regulation , the thinking parts of your brain ( the frontal cortex )
calm down the activity in the emotional part of your brain ( the amygdala ) ,
enabling you to soothe yourself when necessary or to think through the
consequences of your impulse
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process
of cognitive reappraisal25 is an essential part of being able to soothe
yourself .
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“ The
things we are afraid of are the things that have already happened . ”
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so all
the experiences of these early years remain in your implicit memory and are
activated throughout your life without conscious memory or cognitive
understanding .
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chronic
elevation of the stress hormone cortisol damages the hippocampus . 35 As
hippocampal cells die , the structure literally shrinks , so it’s no surprise
that chronic stress makes it harder to remember and harder to think clearly .
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low self
- esteem contributes to procrastination .
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The
child’s developing self - image incorporates this parental state .
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When
parents are emotionally unresponsive , children ( even babies ) will try all kinds
of things to evoke an emotional response from them .
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What do
oxytocin , the vagus nerve , compassion , and kindness have to do with
procrastination ? Being able to calm yourself and treat yourself with compassion
and kindness has everything to do with your being able to face tasks or
situations that frighten , anger , threaten , or bore you .
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A voice
of kindness can help you feel secure enough to venture into uncomfortable
emotional territory .
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Your
inner executive takes in information from your senses , your history , your
thoughts , and uses this information in a goal - directed way to enable you to
accomplish what is important to you .
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This kind
of disorganization easily leads to procrastination , because you lose track of
timelines and deadlines , and because it can become so frustrating to locate
what is needed to complete the project that you just give up .
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executive
function , but there is general agreement that there are several basic factors
: attentional control , cognitive flexibility , goal setting , and information
processing .
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ADD is
characterized by three core symptoms of
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distractibility
, impulsivity , and restlessness .
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Procrastination
in action . Inhibition is a crucial activity of the brain ,
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It is
this capacity for inhibition that gives us the feeling that we are free to
decide —
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waiting
is not a passive act . Inhibition takes effort . 14
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Inhibition
is also closely linked to having a sense of time .
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This
focus on immediate satisfaction instead of long - term benefit underlies the
observation that many people with ADD have
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ADD are
hyper - responsive to environmental stimuli .
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It has
been estimated that our minds wander 15 - 20 percent of the time without our
even realizing it , 17 and that the tendency to get distracted increases with
age . 18 But people without ADD can return to the task easily and seamlessly ,
whereas people with ADD take longer and struggle harder to return to the task .
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people
with ADD often have low levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine in their brains
; since dopamine is a substance that helps us experience pleasure , one
speculation is that people with ADD must do more and risk more in order to
experience the well - being that people without ADD experience at ordinary
levels of intensity .
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“
culturally induced ADD ” is developing as well . 25 We are faced with so many
distractions , so many competing demands for our attention , that ADD may be “
the official brain syndrome of the information age . ”
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“
addicted ” to the frenzy of last - minute action ,
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If you’re
depressed , you’re probably procrastinating on something ( maybe a lot of
things ) important to you .
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being
depressed leaves you at greater risk for more depression in the future .
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Regular ,
moderate aerobic exercise has been shown to reduce depression ,
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In people
with OCD , the signal that the crisis is over doesn’t happen , leading to a
state Dr . Jeffrey Schwartz at UCLA calls “ brain lock . ” 37 The brain does
not change gears automatically , so the gears must be changed consciously to
break the loop of endless thoughts or behaviors .
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Because
it is so difficult to make decisions about what to keep and what to discard ,
they put off cleaning out
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Indecisiveness
+ Fear of Making a Mistake = Clutter39
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gears —
get a fun friend to sort through things with you , put on your favorite music
and dance your way to the wastebasket ,
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Chronic
procrastination can mean chronic stress ,
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Stress is
magnified when we procrastinate . We anticipate being criticized not only for
our work but for turning it in late ; we tempt fate by pushing limits ; we
expect the worst to be waiting right around the corner ; we feel guilty for
disappointing , inconveniencing , or irritating others .
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It’s a
vicious circle : procrastination produces stress , and stress can produce
procrastination .
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If you
push yourself to work in the morning when you’re really best at night , for
example , you’re setting yourself up to procrastinate .
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typical
problems of insufficient sleep : low frustration tolerance , inability to
concentrate , low energy , irritability — and procrastination .
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“ The
impact of sleep deprivation on executive functioning is direct , since the pre
- frontal cortex helps regulate sleep , arousal , and attention
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Shyness
is a temperamental trait that is associated with fear and withdrawal from
novelty .
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lacking
confidence is one of the main factors that contribute to procrastination .
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Procrastination
helps you avoid making difficult choices and facing the potential loss of
important attachments .
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There are
also people who may be models of what you do not want to be .
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Who were
your models for “ success ” ?
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think of
the people who may have been models of “ failure . ”
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An
idealized model of success is impossible to live up to !
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your
idealization keeps you blind to their limitations and stuck in a one - down
position .
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procrastinators
describe five primary family themes that go along with the fears that underlie
procrastination : pressuring , doubting , controlling , clinging , and
distancing .
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In
pressuring families , top - notch performance is the only thing that’s
appreciated
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Mistakes
are evidence of failure and therefore a source of shame :
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study of
college students , maladaptive perfectionism was associated with high parental
expectations and parental criticism ,
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Having a
“ perfect ” sibling can drive you to try to be even more perfect
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doubting
theme is prominent in a family , the communication is , “ You don’t have what
it takes . ”
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Encouragement
may come only when the child does things that interest the parent ,
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so that
the child doesn’t develop confidence in his own passions .
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When
parents feel threatened by their child’s progress , they may express criticisms
that make the child doubt not his parents but himself .
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Another
way procrastinators respond to their doubting families is by rebelling , taking
on the attitude , “ I’ll show them how wrong they are
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Procrastination
appears to be a safe course of action , because it protects you from testing
what you fear to be the awful truth : you can’t do it .
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The
controlling theme comes through in efforts to take over and direct a child’s
life .
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Verbal or
physical expressions of anger undermine a child’s confidence in himself and in
others . When the world has in fact been a dangerous place , direct rebellion
is too risky , and procrastination can be a way to rebel while staying under
the radar .
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When the
world has in fact been a dangerous place , direct rebellion is too risky , and
procrastination can be a way to rebel while staying under the radar .
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When
someone else is always directing your life , you may find relief in
procrastination . By delaying and refusing to do things , you can exasperate a
controlling or demanding parent and attempt to weaken their hold over you .
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Children
who receive so much help may never discover what they can do for themselves or
develop faith in their own capacities .
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you can’t
think on your own , and you can’t survive without us .
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Procrastination
may be used to keep you clinging to your family , as you avoid activities that
could create a wedge .
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The
distancing theme is evident in families in which the members are unable to
develop emotional closeness ,
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working
alone can elicit a feeling of emptiness .
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“ If I
just make myself better , then they’re bound to be interested in me . ”
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Overcontrol
undermines a child’s sense that he or she has what it takes to survive
independently ,
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A family
that focuses so much attention on achievement puts a child in a precarious
position , because the child is defined by performance .
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